The best burgers in Chicago are at Kuma’s Corner. Don’t let the loud metal music and tatted, pierced-up staff fool you. Sure, they could all double as bouncers for this venue, but these are gourmet burgers produced by legit chefs. Each one is 10 ounces of deliciousness with garnishes and ingredients that you haven’t even thought to concoct, all wedged in-between a golden-brown pretzel roll bun. The topper? They’re all named after metal bands. Kuma’s Corner is the heaviest rocking (metal) bar around. Don’t worry, everyone there is super friendly.

I lost my burger-virginity on New Year’s Eve’s Eve back in ‘07. After jamming out to Motorhead & Metallica during the two hour wait, I discovered that Samichlaus Bier (14% ABV, 2 = a DUI) and the burgers make a rad combo and are totally worth the wait. Prepare to stand around for a table during dinner… in my experience, lunchtime or early dinners are the best time to beat the crowd. We ended up waiting 4 hours on my birthday. So avoid bringing parties of more than 4 people.

My personal favorite, the Mastadon (above). Gotta get that BBQ sauce on the side. Here are all the burgers that I’ve tried to date:

Slayer: Pile of fries topped with a ½ lb. Burger, Chili, Cherry Peppers, Andouille, Onions, Jack Cheese, and Anger - My thoughts: Incredible. Think: ultimate chili cheese fries.

Neurosis: Cheddar, Swiss, Sautéed Mushrooms, Caramelized Onions, Horseradish Mayo - My thoughts: Packed with flavor, a winner for sure.

Metallica: Buffalo Sauce, Bacon, Bleu Cheese Dressing - My thoughts: Not bad, not bad.

Clutch: Cheddar, Swiss, Jack, Smoked Gouda - My thoughts: Holy cheese, batman!

Mastodon: BBQ Sauce, Cheddar, Bacon, Frizzled Onions - My thoughts: THIS MAH JAM, SON!

Fu Manchu: Grilled Japanese Eggplant, Teriyaki sauce, Wasabi Mayo, Frizzled Daikon Radish - My thoughts: Damn, may I have another?

Lair of the Minotaur: Caramelized Onions, Pancetta, Brie, Bourbon Soaked Pears - My thoughts: Was my least fav out of all of them. Maybe I ordered it on an off day.

There are also a number of monthly specials they have.. basically a creation of both the owner and chef that’s available for a limited time. You can peep the full menu here.

Until next time, EAT IT.

This was my most recent mission (late-August) and in my opinion, one of the more epic ones. I had planned a dinner with Josh, because uhh… we love to eat? I was talking to him online day-of, and he told me to “..get ready for heaven.” The only response I could come up with was, “Show me the way.” And yes, we both realized that it was the gayest thing I could’ve said. He couldn’t stop laughing. Our destination: Crisp, a casual American-Korean Fusion restaurant on Broadway in Lincoln Park.

Josh warned me about the large portions so after not eating all day sans a cliff bar, we were on our way. As we walked into the brightly colored and very cheery spot, Doug, one of the owners, greeted us firmly. I like his style, direct & no hemming and hawing allowed. If you do, he’ll make his recommendation and convince you pretty quickly on what to get. We put in our order: 10 wings which were not what you would expect. It was a real chicken wing, meaning, 10 times larger than your standard bar wing. We got half and half, BBQ and Seoul which was like teriyaki on steroids. Along with our wings we also ordered a whole chicken and a buddha bowl, composed of marinated veggies, rice, and your choice of meat. In our case, beef. “That’s a lot of food, boys.” Josh and I looked at one another and chuckled.

Shortly after our food had arrived. It was the most amazing fried chicken I have eaten to date. A beautiful mix of spices and other Asian ingredients fried to perfection. Anything that’s Asian + Deep Fried = money in my book. Demolition then ensued. What made this situation even better was our pick of the seating right beside the register. Everyone that came in just looked at us with either disgust or awe, and Doug was monitoring our progress, throwing out a comment every so often. Finishing all this food off was enough reason for the owner to ‘reward’ us with some amazing honey-dew melon flavored popsicles. On the house of course. As we were leaving, I told Josh that I had to shake the owners hand. “20 wings, 4 large fries, and I’ll name the next chicken dish after you guys,” said Doug. Josh and I looked at each other, smiled and replied, “deal.” On my way to completing a life goal: ingraining my name into a piece of history. Or a menu.

Even managed to get our story in Chicago Mag’s online ‘Dish’ section:
http://www.chicagomag.com/Radar/Dish/September-2008/Sugar-Power/
You’ll find it under Who You Callin’ Chicken? Thanks D!